Mods are one of my favourite things about PC gaming, and Baldur’s Gate 3 is no different. Give players even the slightest bit of access to your code, and they’ll create whole new games, stunning graphical overhauls, and community patches to squash bugs. Then there’s also the horrors.
The latest lovecraftian nightmare to pull into the station is this mod, named Thomas the Tank Engine. That’s it, just. Thomas the Tank Engine. No embellishments, no attempt at arcane lore, it is what you get. Don’t worry, he’s here. Nothing can hurt you anymore.
The way Nexus Mod user RemuFO4’s nightmare works is pretty simple. It replaces one of the Tiefling’s horns with a mesh of Thomas the Tank Engine’s whole body, just… glued on to the model. Like a Half-Life headcrab, this parasitic train pilots Tav’s body as it searches for a place to make its new nest.
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I cannot imagine enduring a 100 plus hour playthrough of Baldur’s Gate 3 with this godforsaken beast stapled to your head. Though it’s tradition for these things to be completely unusable, like that one Starfield mod that makes it impossible to edit your ship.
It being tiefling-only has some unsettling lore implications, too. Tieflings are descended from devils, who are lawful evil creatures. In most universes, Thomas the Tank engine is a chaotic, malevolent force: but in the Sword Coast, he has a grand design. That there may be tieflings descended from his infernal blood suggest that he occupies one of the nine hells, which is a harrowing thing to consider.
Regrettably (or perhaps thankfully) the mod doesn’t have facial animations. I don’t even know what grim work would make such a thing possible, and I don’t want to know. It’s almost better that he cannot speak, grimace, or pucker his lips up for a romantic smooch with Karlach. She’s seen enough.
That being said, I’m sure someone will figure it out eventually. Thomas is inevitable. We can only enjoy these digital worlds for the brief moments they are free from his choo-choo touch.
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